I'll be honest. I'm not a blogger. I am not even a great journalist. I have several unfinished journals that I started at various moments in my life...usually catastrophic events that I just HAD to write down so that I could re-live every painful moment later...you know, break ups, bad hair styles, drama and tension filled girl moments in high school that serve now as a funny anecdote to the "how stupid were we when" adage. But I am determined to make this one stick. I have been on a personal journey the past 8 months that I didn't write down...that I didn't share. I can't contain myself any longer. So...here's my story.
I have struggled with weight my entire life (I know, I know, who HASN'T?? And if you haven't, I hate you. Just kidding). I don't think at any one time I was ever morbidly obese. I was what you might call pleasantly plump. I always thought about how I'd like to wear a bathing suit and not feel like I had to wear an entire outfit over the top of it, thus making it useless. I think maybe once when I was 19 and skinny for like 5 minutes I did run on a beach somewhere in a bikini...or maybe I dreamed that. Anyways, as time went on I found myself married and (as people do when they are finally in stable relationships), gaining weight. Then I got pregnant with our daughter. I fell into the old trap of "Hey, I'm eating for two!". So I did. Only I'm pretty sure I was eating for like 4 or 5 some days. Anyways, after Noelle was born my dreams of breastfeeding were dashed by my body's seeming inability to produce enough milk. I was devastated. I tried everything to make it work. I turned to food for comfort hoping maybe if I ate more I would be able to feed my child. Sadly, I was only able to feed myself...to a lovely 205 lbs. My husband and I decided to do a weightloss program together in the spring of 2006. By the end of that year I was a svelt (for me) 145 lbs size 8 and feeling good again. I found out two months later we were expecting again. My second pregnancy was much easier, and although I still gained almost 50 lbs, I was able to shed most of the weight rather quickly. I eased back down to 150 where I stayed for a few years...and then it started creeping back. I was wearing 12's again. My 10's were tight...I had many days where I felt fat and unhappy. I realized I didn't want my daughter to grow up watching me yo-yo diet and feel bad about myself because I had a piece of chocolate. I want her to be proud of her body and happy with what God gave her--but mindful of taking care of what has been gifted to her. My hairstylist had been losing weight and when she told me she'd been doing TSFL I thought "well, that's great, but I can't afford that". So I prayed about it. I talked to my husband...and we decided that with our tax returns, last year, I would make ME a priority. And so began the final chapter in my battle with my weight. Where this choose your own adventure tale ends--rather begins--with the heroine finally beating the dreaded bulge. Finally blasting past my expectations...and getting out of my own way...out of my size 12's...and into a size 2. And somewhere along the way I learned to like myself again.
So I'd like to share this adventure--my tips, my recipes, my business...which I have to say, helping people get healthy...pretty great job :) After all, it's all for the love of something, isn't it?
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